Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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