her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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