My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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