I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
