Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
