p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
