someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
