Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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