WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
