brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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