Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
