I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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