Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Acid is not a monday night drug
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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