i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
