Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
