Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
