So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
