But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
