It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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