yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
