Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
