my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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