I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
