I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
