Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
