at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
