Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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