Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
a search helicopter?!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
