He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just pee around me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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