I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
