Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
