toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
