Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
