your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
