just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am available for nakedness
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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