I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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