i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
