i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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