you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
God, I missed his penis.
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