He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
