I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize