piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
