he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize