Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Randomize
