I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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