they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
