do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
