I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
