She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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