we have officially lost it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
