they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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