The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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