it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
