I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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