i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
