There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
