dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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