how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize