Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
