he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
