Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
