i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
