Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's blow job season.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
