Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
