I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
