exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
