Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
