so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you traded sex for a burrito?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
