no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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