Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
