My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
