so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
