When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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