i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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