I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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