I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
