I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
