I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
