i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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