Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize