thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
