Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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