Just mADE A PArabola og urine
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you had me at cake vodka
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
