my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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