Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize