After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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