My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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