i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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