I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
