Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I touched a dick in church today
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
