No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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