My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
