she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
