he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
